Sunday, January 20, 2013

DJANGO UNCHAINED = Not As Boring As Inglorious Basterds

I was just expecting Inglorious Basterds but with different races/times, but instead I saw Leonardo DiCaprio's best performance ever!  Sorry Jamie Fox etc, Leo was totally badass, will not get any nominations for any awards (as per usual in Hollywood) and will go about his merry way dating all the upcoming Victoria's Secret Models and starring in any movie he wants to, for lots and lots of $$$.  Can you blame him?

Silver Linings Playbook = 4 Xanax

Cray + Cray = <3
Is this the first 'mental illness-themed' rom-com?  I dunno, it's the first popular one starring hot actors nominated for Oscars probably, and it's good if you can adapt to the frantic pacing and dialogue.  If this was a documentary it would be about two fat 'fake-handicapped' people chasing eachother around a 24hr. Wal-Mart in mart carts at 3am playing their own version of Supermarket Sweep and trying to score as much swag as possible within their EBT Food Stamps allowance (thanks Obama!), which actually sounds pretty fun now that I think about it.  Instead it's about 2 hot crazy people entering a local, wannabe 'Dancing With the Stars' contest, and there's a football game at stake as well.  The first 30 minutes everyone in the theater was like 'wtf?! let's leave.' and the last 30 minutes everyone was clapping and cheering out loud.  Celebrate mental illness with this wacky love story that only reinforces how easy it is for the most bat-shit crazy straight people to find their soul mate by simply spitting into the air, or gently tossing a pebble in any given direction.  You have it so difficult, but always manage to find eachother in whimsical ways.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Beasts of the Southern Wild = ** 2 stars

If you wanna watch a little girl play in garbage and get yelled at for 90 minutes then you will LOVE this movie.  Otherwise, it's a total snooze-fest.  It's beautifully shot, the performances are good, and absolutely nothing happens.  It feels more like a short film that they decided to just drag out to be feature length.  It's also way over-hyped by critics and advertising so save yourself the time and money and go to the zoo instead, or get flood insurance.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Savages = 2.5 Bong Hits

I was expecting a usual Oliver Stone, in-your-face, ultra-violent, over-saturated, hyper-edited flick but instead it was a drug war/love story (3-some) told through OC white girl stoner beach poetry.  And a lot of it.  Like the whole first 30-45min of the movie is that.  Then some violent shit goes down with no consequences, then it's over with SPOILER ALERT!!!: a double ending.  I don't know how everything wraps up in the book it's based on, but the double ending rewind shit just made the whole story deflate and lose cred and end up feeling like a 'Laguna Beach Pot Head Choose Your Own Adventure' book ending.  Regardless, Taylor Kitsch was super hot and Benicio Del Toro played an amazing cokehead.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter = 3 stars ***

Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter: The movie is like a fast-forward crumpled up version of the book, of which i am 2/3 the way through and is really fun and way more detailed and gory.  The editing and pacing of the movie is way off so you feel like you are jerked all over the place way too fast with no explanation, but the action scenes are fun and ridiculous in between.  If you just surrender to the ridiculousness of it all, you will have fun with it, otherwise you will be fighting historians all night.  The casting of Abe was great, the dude looks like a strapping, young Liam Neeson, super hot.  And knowing he gets assassinated provoked a collective 'aaawwweee' from the majority of the audience.  It's a stupid-fun fan fiction novel brought to life, creative and campy so I'm totally on board.  Lighten up people.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Sundance Film Festival 2012!!!

...I didn't see a single damn movie. I had passes to one but there was a blizzard and couldn't get there, but my friend said it sucked anyway.  I watched most of 'Year One' starring Jack Black and Michael Cera one morning in bed, then a few hours later I was checking out of my hotel and Michael Cera was standing right behind me with some bizarro mustache and the concierge was like "I looooove yooouuuu!".  I also ran into Alan Thicke, Paris Hilton and Paul Giamatti, and some random TV stars along the way. the end.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

That F'ing Girl With That Damn Tattoo!

I've read the books, I've seen the Swedish films, and now finally we get the bastardized 'American' version (even though it was shot in Sweden and featured actors from America, England, Sweden, Yugoslavia, etc.  but American studio/ director + English language = American).  At first I wasn't sure about the casting of Daniel Craig & Rooney Mara because I really loved the Swedish cast because they weren't too hot but still kind of quirky-sexy, but quirky-sexy flew out the damn window as soon as I saw the poster of Daniel Craig wrapped around Rooney Mara's c-cups, SOLD!

          I thought this version was great even though the ending was a bit different.  Daniel Craig always brings his baby dinosaur hotness (he's little and muscled and has a weathered mug so I've always called him 'baby dinosaur', just go with it) but now I'm officially obsessed with Rooney Mara.  I'm 'looney for Rooney'! ok I'll stop.  But she's seriously badass, got legit piercings for the role, had to do some pretty hardcore scenes and totally deserves her Oscar nomination.  She's also killing every red carpet she steps on with her style this season and talking mad random shit in interviews so she gets bonus points for badassness.
          I knew David Fincher wouldn't let me down, he never does, and even though this movie was 2.5hrs, by the ending all I wanted to do was keep watching more so I can't wait for the next 2 movies (hoping the stuido follows through with them).  But I get the feeling Fincher won't direct them unfortunately unless he already signed on to.  He's more like a hit it & quit it kinda guy.  One of my favorite parts of this whole movie was the opening credits sequence.  It's a violent, gothic James Bond-esque nightmare set to a Led Zeppelin song covered by Trent Reznor and Karen O and watching it on youtube doesn't do it any justice but here it is anyway.  I love opening credit sequences that are basically awesome music videos that not only set the tone for the film to follow but get you excited and pumped about watching it.  Given Fincher's extensive history of directing beautiful music videos for the likes of Michael Jackson, Madonna and George Michael to name a few, he knows exactly what he's doing and is notoriously meticulous to every little detail.